How I Won the Love Lottery (and you can too)

Although I’m single now, I feel like I have more love in my life than I’ve ever had before ...

I feel like I won the Love Lottery!

This is a pretty big deal for me, because it wasn’t so long ago, that I struggled with depression, self-hatred and even suicidal thoughts.

If it is possible for me to cultivate great love and happiness, then I think it is possible for anyone.

Love is really about feeling deeply connected – to others, and to the world.

You don’t need a romantic partner to feel it. You just need to open your heart.

What allowed me to open my heart to love, 
was practicing the 5 tips that I’m sharing with you.
This is my Valentine’s Day gift to you.

1. LOVE YOURSELF
2. STOP PUTTING LIMITS ON LOVE
3. BE CREATIVE
4. SHARE YOUR PASSION
5. BE KIND

    1. LOVE YOURSELF

Isn’t it disappointing when others don’t give you the kind of love that you would most like to receive?

You can’t control what other people do. If there’s something you want, you’d better do it for yourself.

Are you treating yourself well? Are you taking care of yourself and your life?

Give yourself the love and kindness that you desire and deserve!

Are the thoughts that you direct toward yourself loving and kind?

Or do you have an Inner Critic who is hell-bent on attacking you? Pay attention to when this Inner Critic starts bad-mouthing you, and shut it down! 

When you love yourself, you take good care of yourself. You look after your health and well-being, your body, mind, surroundings and belongings. You seek out and cultivate happy healthy relationships, and walk away from those who don't support you.

Caring for yourself makes you feel strong and vibrant so you are up for the challenges, and able to help others.

   2.    STOP PUTTING LIMITS ON LOVE

If love means feeling deeply connected to others and to the world, then that means that love is limitless.

Why must we define love so narrowly, that we believe it must look a certain way, act a certain way, come in a certain package, or happen in a certain series of events?

We’re all familiar with the Hollywood and fairy tale fantasy of love and romance – complete with the kiss and “happily ever after” with the Princess and Prince Charming.

In this fantasy, both Prince and Princess merge with “The One” – their soul mate for life, who will be their eternal source of all love.

This is a cute fantasy, but it’s only one, super simplistic, concept of love.

What if, instead of searching to find love in “The One”, you sought to find love in “The Infinite” – seeking to find a love connection with every person you meet?

What if you aspired to love:

not just one other person, 

not just members of your family, 

not just friends, but 

the entire world? 

... including animals, plants, mountains and oceans, the stars, moon, and all of Nature, and all of existence?

It may sound radical, but this is the love I seek.

This is mystical love, universal love, or some might call it spiritual love.

And no, I haven’t gotten there yet! Not even close. I fail every single day.

But I’m working on it! I have my moments.

I've discovered that, just by opening your heart to this potential, it is possible to feel a constant flow of love in your life . . . which you will never get from focusing on just one other person.

Challenge your heart by loving more every day!

Here is an experiment to try:

Before going to sleep, visualize your heart shooting laser beams of love in all directions. These laser beams will strike other people in the heart, and bounce back at you!

See what happens in the next couple of days.

   3.    BE CREATIVE

Your creative self might sing, write poetry, act, tell jokes, dance, cook, sew, tell stories, build a house, start a business . . .

In creative mode, all your senses come alive. You become a sensual, feeling, perceptive and receptive, complete human being with a unique gift.

You allow others to see your true spirit, which is necessary to make authentic, loving connections.

Everyone is creative in some way. If you don’t feel creative, you just haven’t given yourself enough opportunity to explore that part of you, and find the mode that is your own unique creative expression. 

Start learning about yourself! Experiment, explore, try something new!

   4.    SHARE YOUR PASSION 

Whatever it is that you love – share it with others.

Connect with other people who appreciate the same things you do. 

Create your community.

Inspire each other, teach each other, support each other. 

This is your tribe. You need each other.

   5.    BE KIND

You aren’t the only one who wants love and connection.

Out in the world there is a sick person who wants a comforting touch; 
a homeless person who would like a genuine smile; 
a child who needs words of hope and encouragement;
a friend who needs someone to listen.

It doesn’t take a lot on your part to brighten a person’s day, or even change a life.

All it takes is kindness.

photo by Abdulhamid Al Fadhly

Let your own heart be the greatest source of love in your life. 

Watch it open and grow like a flower, and see what happens.

Happy Valentine's Day!

How do YOU create more love in your life? Please comment below!

Your Presence Is the Best Present

moonlit elven magic

photo by doctor oblivious

(that's me in the photo on last year's Winter Solstice, 

spinning lights around the full moon!)

What is the greatest gift you can give to others?

Do you think you can buy it in a store, or online?

Is it a thing?

The best present is your presence.

In this world full of technology, distraction and multi-tasking, giving your full attention is a very rare experience.

Anything that is worth doing, is worth doing with your complete attention. 

If you are driving, just drive, and keep the road safe. 

If you are cooking a dish, put good intentions into it, and it will taste wonderful. 

However, if you are distracted, with your mind elsewhere, you could make mistakes, you could mess things up, or you could miss out on something important that someone is saying.

 

My friend Tom always says: "Be here now." 

And sometimes he also says: "Just be."

It sounds so simple, but it's actually very difficult. 

The mind likes to distract us and scatter our attention every which way. We like to feel important, with so many things to think about. 

But the most important thing is being right where we need to be right now, doing the thing we are doing. And if what we are doing isn't important, than maybe we need to examine why we do it at all.

When you're having a conversation with another person, do you feel the difference between when they are truly listening to you and responding to what you say in a thoughtful way, and when they are playing with their phone, texting, thinking of other things, or tuning you out?

Which way do you prefer to be treated? 

Which way makes you feel honored and important?

I'm working on bringing more of myself (attentive, present, open, honest) to every interaction, and as I do that, I feel others responding positively and in similar fashion. 

Relationships improve, bonds strengthen, and communities form this way.

Being present is the gift I give to myself and others.

Creative Collaboration

Lovebirds

watercolor by Rosa Phoenix

"Love is, above all, the gift of oneself."  

- Jean Anouilh

A few months ago, in the Fall of 2012, I partnered with the City of Phoenix, Arizona to teach free and low-cost art classes at senior centers.

My first experience teaching, it is the most wonderful collaboration.

Most of my students are beginners. Many have physical disabilities, or are recovering from illness, injury, trauma and grief.

They come to class with an open mind and heart. 

They are shy and embarrassed, because they don't yet know how to draw or paint. 

They are drawn to my classroom because something in them wants to create, express the beauty around them and within them, and to learn the skill of the artist. 

They know instinctively, that creative expression is their birthright as humans.

"We can do better than I can."

- Lykke Li

I think the highest form of creativity is collaboration.

The spark of energy exchange that happens when two or three or more share their ideas, is so much greater than what one person can accomplish alone.

That's why I love teaching so much.

To be able to share my love of art, and to teach people the skills to create their own works of art, makes my heart happy.

My students greet me shyly and say, "I can't draw," or "I can't paint." 

Within half an hour, they are happily drawing or painting, and watching themselves do it with amazement.

Their sense of sight, and their observation skills awaken. 

Suddenly, they are looking around them at their familiar world, now rich with colors, shapes and shadows that they had never noticed before. "It's beautiful!" they say.

Their ordinary world becomes an extraordinary world, because they now have an artist's vision.

Lotus Pond

acrylic painting 

by Rosa Phoenix

Wouldn't it be wonderful, if we could live this way every day?

We can . . .

. . . be the student, with open mind and open heart, willing to learn, willing to improve, aspiring to a higher expression . . .

. . . be the teacher, willing to share the skills and knowledge with others . . .

In my daily work, I do both, teaching and learning, sharing and collaborating.

My students continually inspire me with their dedication and motivation. They inspire me   because they make so many contributions themselves: volunteering, teaching and giving, with all their hearts.

We share our best selves with each other. Let's keep doing this, and uplift the world.

Interview with Mark Estes, Photographer "Witnessing Suffering and Beauty"

Mark Estes

all photos courtesy of Mark Estes,

used with permission

There's someone I'd like you to meet. 

This is Mark Estes, a photographer from the San Francisco Bay Area. 

Mark is my friend and someone who is a great inspiration to me, both as an artist, and as an exceptional human being.

The Dalai Lama

photo by Mark Estes

Mark recently announced that he has enrolled in the Chaplaincy Institute for the Arts and Interfaith Ministries, with the intention of becoming an interfaith minister, and providing spiritual support to critically ill and dying patients and their families. He will still continue his photography career. He plans a non-traditional ministry that will integrate counseling, compassion and the creative arts.

Because Mark is such an intelligent and thoughtful person, I thought he would have a lot of good insights to share with artists who are committed to a spiritual and creative path. 

photo by Mark Estes

 "I don't make pictures of people, I make pictures with people.

It's a collaboration."

- Mark Estes

In our interview, Mark talks about The Artist's Way, how artists can help heal the world, working with the Dalai Lama of Tibet, being a hospice volunteer, and his life's mission, "to witness suffering and beauty."

photo by Mark Estes

"Being able to go where the emotion and the collaboration leads you

is as important in portrait photography

as it is in working with people in the hospital,

or in the hospice, or on the street." 

- Mark Estes

Read the interview, and view more of Mark's work, on Artists Up Rising. 

Mark Estes Interview

Are you a Visionary? Use Visualization techniques to turn your dreams into reality

 photo by Rosa Phoenix

Are you a Visionary? Are you using the powerful mind technique of Visualization?

Visualization is a buzz word that I've been hearing a lot about lately. It's a technique that visionaries, artists and creative people use naturally to produce great works of art and inventions. It's also a technique that many successful people use to set and achieve goals.

I was searching online for a good explanation of visualization, and I wasn't able to find one easily. So I wrote a short, simple summary of how to use this technique. This is available at 365 Just Show Up, Dr. Audrey Low's blog about creativity and the daily practice.

If you are interested in learning about visualization, please follow the link to the article here:


Are you a Visionary? How to use the power of Visualization @ 365 Just Show Up

Earth Connection

a hopeful sprout!

photo by Rosa Phoenix

This little sprouting plant just emerged 

from the dark depths of the earth, 

and got its first rays of sunshine! 

Doesn't it look like a bird with wings outstretched, ready to fly?

Happy Earth Day!

This year, Earth Day has a special meaning for me. I'm enjoying new ways of connecting with the Earth. 

I've planted a small vegetable garden.

I spent many years in cities, living in apartments where I didn't have access to a backyard or garden. This is the first time I've planted anything in the ground.

The little sprout in the photo above is from a winter squash seed. I'm not sure what type of squash it is, I will just have to wait to find out.

I've considered myself a true city girl for a long time.

This year I felt a strong desire to re-connect with the Earth and plant a garden. I don't know why. Now I wake up early each morning and work in the garden. 

I really have no idea what I am doing.

I planted some things without understanding that I needed to first clear a patch of earth, dig up the soil, take out all the grass and enrich the soil. So, I did some things backwards.

I'm learning as I go along. It's an experiment, and I'm just watching to see what happens.

new life

I truly did not expect to see anything come from the seeds I planted.

Seeing the first sprouts emerge was very surprising!

I am awe-struck by the power of a seed.

How much potential is packed within! Roots and branches and leaves and flowers and fruits containing many more seeds. 

My reasons for planting the garden were to connect with the Earth, to learn how to grow my own food, and to have fresh, organic vegetables and herbs to eat. 

As I cultivate my garden, I am discovering so many small joys and satisfactions along the way.

Digging in the ground to clear my garden patch, I felt my body and muscles becoming stronger.

I felt gratitude for having the power to do this physical work. Visiting the garden center and choosing tools, soils, seeds and plants made me aware of the abundance and diversity that is available to us. I feel so fortunate to have so many choices.  

I choose to celebrate and cultivate life! 

I like to observe the creatures who visit my garden.  

There is a black and white cat (does she know about the catnip seeds I planted?) Bees constantly buzz around the lavender plant. The butterflies drink from the soil just after it has been watered. I saw the most beautiful beetle that looked like a flashing jewel. And a couple days ago, a hummingbird hovered in the mist from my garden hose to drink and take a quick shower.

 Early Girl tomatoes

I am beginning to feel more attuned to the cycles of the earth and the seasons.

By planting seeds, watering them and watching them grow, I'm developing patience, hope and faith.

By composting my kitchen and yard waste, I'm learning how the process of decay enriches new life.

When I'm in the garden I feel relaxed and at peace. 

I feel so blessed to be part of this continuing cycle of Life on Earth,

and to observe the magical transformations that are constantly taking place.

I began this blog two years ago, on Earth Day 2009. I'm happy to share this time on Earth with you! Blessings to you on this Earth Day!

How will you celebrate Earth Day?

Palo Verde in Bloom

 

palo verde tree in springtime

all photos by Rosa Phoenix

Spring has come to the Sonoran Desert. The palo verde is Arizona's state tree.

The palo verde is a native tree of our desert, with a delicate and feathery appearance. It is completely green, with green trunk and branches and tiny leaves.

In springtime, it covers itself with tiny, golden yellow blossoms.

I spent almost my entire childhood in Arizona. I've seen many palo verde trees. Yet I feel that I am seeing them in bloom for the very first time.

 

Why have I never noticed this before?

To see the street lined with many of these delicate desert trees, 

adorned with golden flowers, is a special vision.

I was sad to miss the cherry and plum blossoms of San Francisco this year. 

Imagine my delight to see the palo verde trees of a desert spring.

Sometimes, you have to go away for awhile, and return again, 

to see with new eyes, what you weren't able to see before.

How to Overcome Resistance

Did you know that 2011 is the year of personal growth?

The New Year is a time of making resolutions, setting goals and making plans. I have been working intensively on transforming my life for the last couple of years. I thought it would be helpful to share some of the tips that have helped me to create positive changes.

Today I'm going to talk about overcoming resistance. And in my next post I will talk about building momentum.

"The resistance will help find the thing you most need to do, 
because it is the thing the resistance most wants to stop." 

- Seth Godin

What is resistance? 

It is defined as "opposing force." To me, resistance means the feeling I experience when I don't want to do something. 

I often feel resistance to change, growth and taking on more power and responsibility.

Resistance is my instinct for self-preservation. Resistance keeps me in my safe zone, my comfort zone. 

Resistance protects me -- from failure, from getting hurt, from being vulnerable, from being laughed at, from attention, from success.

Even when I felt stuck in a rut, I was unwilling to climb out of that rut. It was my rut. I made it, I knew it. It was my comfort zone.

Seth Godin calls this mentality the "lizard brain." 

The part that wants to be on auto-pilot. Eat, sleep, seek warmth, conserve energy, stay within familiar territory. 

The lizard brain never wants to reach the higher state of potential, because to do so means risking life, safety, comfort and security.

Yet overcoming resistance is essential to challenge ourselves, grow, learn new skills and knowledge, and develop as human beings. 

How can we better ourselves, if we never reach beyond the status quo?

I'm transforming my life by confronting resistance.

Steps to overcoming resistance

Explore the reasons for your resistance

What's stopping you? 

Is it fear? Clinging to the comfort of your routine? Maybe you don't really want to do it, but you feel that you should. Maybe it's what others want you to do. Or you think it's the right thing to do. 

But is it really what's right for you? Look deeper, into the real reasons for your resistance. Ask yourself "Why?" Confront your true feelings. Make sure that this is truly your wish.

Create the desire

Nothing can be achieved without the desire. So if a goal isn't truly what you want, you won't put the work into it. 

To tap into the desire, find the benefit that comes with the action. This benefit will be satisfy something you are currently lacking in your life. It's something you want so much, that you are willing to make changes in your life to get it. Focus on what you want, and know the steps it will take to get there.

Visualize a positive outcome

Picture yourself as if you have already achieved this goal. How does it change you? How does it make you feel? What's different? Let yourself embody this vision.

Ask for support

Ask people to help you. Get a buddy, or two or three. Encourage each other. Check in with your support system frequently and compare your progress.

Give yourself space

If you want to transform your life, you need to make space and time for things to change. 

If you want to make time to exercise, or take a class, you need to eliminate activities that are time-wasters. 

If you want to stop a bad habit, you need to remove everything that reminds you of that habit from your environment.

Believe in yourself

If you don't believe in yourself, why bother at all? You MUST believe in yourself. How? Read every inspirational book you can get your hands on, about people who have succeeded in spite of all the odds being stacked against them. Helen Keller and Malcolm X are two examples that come to my mind.

Affirmations are another tool. Repeat them to yourself, while looking at yourself in the mirror, until you say the words with conviction. Use the energy of your heart to give yourself the strength and courage.

Hold yourself accountable

Make a commitment, to yourself and others. Verbalize it and write it down. Make it a promise that you intend to keep.

Make it fun

Please, don't punish yourself! Find a way to make it fun and enjoyable. 

You will be much more likely to keep it up if it's something you look forward to, rather than dread.

Just do it!

After you make the decision, stop thinking about it, and just go for it!

Start slowly and build over time (baby steps)

If you've never done something before, don't expect to become good at it overnight. Take baby steps to get there, building slowly over time.

Reward yourself for progress

When you make progress, no matter how small: reward yourself with praise, with a visual reminder of your achievement, or a treat that you enjoy.

Build momentum

Don't stop, keep it going! Set the bar higher and challenge yourself.

More about momentum in my next blog post!

What are your tips for overcoming resistance?